Where has the time gone?

There is sooo much to catch up on! Time has passed so quickly!

Ok, Edward. Not much has happened. We lost insurance for him last May and because of that, stopped doing therapies. (I was kinda burnt out anyway) Insurance was and is a big stress. Oh, Edward's G-tube came out and we couldn't get it back in so we had to go to the ER to get it back in. It was very traumatic and painful for Edward because his hole closed up so quickly. The doctors and nurses tried expanding the hole by trying to push the tube in. It was an eight hour painful experience for my poor little boy. Edward has really improved his vocal ability. It is sooo....cute/loud/annoying because all I hear all day long is 'mommy' 'mom' 'mommy' 'mom' NONstop all day. He is such a crack-up though. this is the year of, Lord willing, getting him to walk. after having a baby and essentially having another baby, it is really hard to go places and carry two kids, one who doesn't move well. like carrying a heavy awkward board. my back is shot that is for sure. so our first pt appointment was last week. it was good...i knew it would make me sad. it always does. he has lost range of motion in his neck and hips and well everywhere. mainly because that is the nature of his beast. i am determined not to have a wheelchair. everybody keeps mentioning a wheelchair. i can't accept that for him. it is a mental hurdle i have not crossed yet. even though many therapists have suggested it.  so i am determined to make him walk.
Ok So we had an appointment with Edward's spine and pulmonary doctors this last week...did not go so well. turns out his spine is at 60 degrees in traction and his pulmonary doc was/is concerned for his lungs and that he is using one side more dominantly. we had a lung scan last week and from quick glance the radiologist said that it looked normal. so that was good. but they have mentioned doing surgery on his spine in september. and then lengthening the rods every 4-6 moths for growth so we have been tasked with fattening him up. which will be very difficult. his weight has plateaued at about 16 pounds. they also want to clip his abductor muscles in his legs for hygiene and do thumb and ring finger surgery all in the coming year. poooor thing. the past year was doctor free bliss. but i knew it was just a calm before the storm. edward is turning three next week! cant freaking believe it! he is the funniest sweetest boy ever. i adore his personality. such a sweet soul.

fell asleep during a timeout in his room

lake love

always happy

chuckecheese fun

my little redskin

loves his sis

christmas baby

https://vimeo.com/91336068

i have posted more videos on vimeo...

Ok, so the last time I posted was when we moved from our first house and I was terribly sickly pregnant, to a house that was uber dark and in a bad neighborhood. A couple days after we had been in the new house our neighbors had a domestic dispute, to put it lightly, and yeah. it made us super uncomfortable and unsettled which we translated into 'get us outa here back to spokane.' So our summer was spent looking for jobs and opportunities in spokane. we found some and pursued them. We even pursued a job in Walla Walla! They flew our family down and Adam interviewed and Thank Jesus he was not offered the job. It would have been very difficult to acclimate to life there. We made multiple trips to Spokane and even looked for houses! I feel madly in-love with my dream house of Spokane. In the middle of the trips (any excuse to get out of our house), we took a vacation to lake Pend Oreille rented a cabin for our family and played in the water! It was soooo wonderful! A dream vacation. After the first day we agreed we needed to book it the second we were able to for next year.

On July 11, my sister flew over to Spokane to be with me as we had our 20 week ultrasound. I was very emotional! As they were checking the anatomy..I just lost it. It was perfect which made me sooo sad for Edward. Why was this one so perfect and Edward not?..Meaning joints and general anatomy. Then they told me i was having a GIRL!! I was soo overjoyed!!! I couldn't believe God was giving me a girl!  We all laughed and cried because H made a funny when they told us a girl. After the appointment, we went shopping and bought her first girl clothes. The rest of my pregnancy was, for the most part, easy. I was uncomfortable and suffered through bad heart burn. Eating was annoying because I always felt sick afterwards, but I love being pregnant so it was all ok. Oh, at about 29-30 weeks i had kidney stones! HORRIBLE...that pain was like no other. So that was a fun little trip to the er. I ended up having baby Christmas night after a long hard labor. I love my baby girl! :)
Our last trip to spokane we interviewed and it went really well..adam had it. But I had a really weird feeling about it. For some reason I felt as if it was not where God wanted us. So adam turned it down and we decided to move to yet another house that was in a better neighborhood. my mom and dad came over and helped us move and paint baby's nursery. I did a lot of sewing for her and a lot of shopping. I obsessed over her nursery, which, i am madly in-love with! I got into knitting!

there is tons more but for now i will be done. I will update more regularly..promise :)

moving

(Edward rolling like crazy in an empty house.)

Praise Jesus May is over!! You guys have no idea..well you are about to.
First, we received a 20 day notice to vacate our house. It came as a TOTAL shock. Our "lease" wasn't up for another month. However, they worded the lease to benefit them and bind us. We were furious. And this was right after I Finally hung pictures on the wall! I have told Adam that I will never hang another picture on a wall unless I own the wall.
Then my whole family got sick. The boys, thankfully, got over it after a week or so. Harvey was a trooper. When Edward gets sick, he always vomits at night and loses a bunch of weight. So that happened. I was horrible sick for three weeks with a sinus and lung infection. I got so sick because I am pregnant!! The start of May was the start of some horrible morning sickness! Ugh. Still going. I have thrown up multiple times. Those three weeks when I was double sick were the absolute worse ever. My poor family. I could barely take care of the boys when Adam worked. Adam would come home on his lunch break and feed the boys and put them to nap. Adam did everything! He packed the whole house up, took complete care of me and the boys. During this time he got sick as well. It was misery for us. The boys didn't leave the house, I literally didn't leave the couch. All the while trying to move. It was hard enough just being pregnant sick and sick sick then add on the stress of moving. It was a horrible nightmare that is thankfully over now.
Everything works out for the best. We were super sad to leave our neighborhood. Our neighbors were wonderful and Harvey had lots of playmates. So sad. Now we live in the ghetto which, oddly, is up the hill, not even half a mile away from our old house. But, we are in a month to month and I see another move coming soon.
But yay! I am with baby number Three! We are due in December! I definetly want a girl, of course. :)  I am prepping myself for another boy. I really have no expectations for this pregnancy, though. It has already been COMPLETLY different from the previous two. More sick, constant nasty taste in my mouth, constant saliva production, already sleeping uncomfortable, throwing up acid, already had some contractions, not hungry, got dehydrated (due to sickness), lost weight, and nothing sounds good. In theory those might be good odds for a girl but i am definetly not counting on it! My ninth week was emotional. During one of my many doc appointments with Edward, I remember one doc telling me that Edwards joints started forming out of place at week nine. For some reason, that really hit me because I couldn't believe it happened that early. So the day before I turned nine weeks I literally cried the whole day in bed. I have had two ultrasounds already and my last one was nice because we saw legs kick, which we never saw with Edward. Harvey was so excited to see the baby. It was adorable. I am optimistic about the health of this babe. Whatever the Lord gives me I will take! I certainly don't think I 'deserve' a healthy child or am 'due' one. I know that I am not in control.

my sweets!

boys and i sharing a delish dessert

Edward is eating real food now!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDWARD!!

Happy Birthday Edward!! I can't believe you are two years old! You are a major pill-butt but I Love that about you.  I adore you!

Cheese-ing it up!

didn't actually like his hands messy

New post!

First a couple words.
Shout out to North Dakota for standing up for the unborn! No abortions past six weeks. That is a huge success in these sucky social times. I heard a stat semi recently. Planned Parenthood, last year, killed 996,000 babies and for every murder made $314 from tax paying citizens. Sick.
Marriage is between a man and a women. It is not for homosexuals to tell me how to describe marriage to my children. If you want to make homosexual decisions then obviously you are free to. I am not going to exclude you from my tea party, in fact you would make it fun. I am just sick of people not saying what is right for fear of offending. Well, I don't care. If you think I am a bigot or a intolerant hater for having this opinion, then stop reading. But, in effect wouldn't that make you the intolerant hater?  I can have my truth just like you can have yours. Deal with it. AND I think we should have heterosexual parades. It is time to stick up for God's intelligent design i.e. man and women i.e. procreation.
Back to Edward.
Video One:
http://vimeo.com/62742206

Video Two:
https://vimeo.com/62749942

cheeto monster in his chair

more cheetos 

better idea of chair

PS....he has dropped a pound due a very long lasting cold. throws up every night and sometimes morning. not fun

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Happy New Year! I am very glad to be rid of 2012 and excited for the new year! Edward weighs a fat 14.5 pounds! (down to 14.1 Wednesday) His spine is holding and I don't have any surgeries planned, as of now. (Possible wrist and thumb surgery in a year...maybe) The news on his spine is good. He had a traction xray done and his curve (while being stretched) is 47 degrees. The point of concern is 50, so I need prayers to keep it stable for many years to come! Or at least 6 months.
Edward is talking a lot more and is rather funny. I can't quite tell who he is more like. H acts most  definitely like me. Edward....I can't quite decide. He thinks he is hilarious. He is stubborn and smart as a tack...sounding like me..waaahahaha :) He knows exactly how to work me. My husband thinks it is rather sicking how easily he can get what he wants with me. His feet are holding pretty well. Doc said we have lost about 5 degrees but considering how tight his feet were to begin with, that is pretty good.
Nothing new, really. Wednesday we have another arthrogryposis clinic. (It is Friday now) Allllll. Day. Long. I love my days with my boys. I love watching Downton Abbey and the Bachelor. I am obsessed with fabric and making stuff. I recently started to read again. WHAT?!?? I know. Not a whole lot mind you but enough.
Oh, we have Edward's equipment. Freaking industrial stuff. Unreal how heavy it is. I also can't believe it is in my life but it is. (picture to come)
I can't believe Edward is going to be TWO soon.

bored of the ipad so he napped

rare snow day

attitude with the pants i made him for Christmas

loves of my life!

My mom showed me this video. It is amazing.

This is my Christmas picture of the boys. You don't understand how precious it is. The amount of work it took for Edward to pull himself up and then lean his head on his brother.

Scenario A:
We are at the mall playing in the kid area with slides letting Edward go down the slide all by himself. He is LOVING it! Giggling like crazy. A lady sees him and stops by the wall of the play area and asks if he is special needs. We are like uh, yeah while continuing to play. She loudly tells us that her daughter is special needs and demands, "let me see him." Shocked at the audacity of this lady, I ignore her while shielding Edward. I fought my urge to show her my special bird finger. And my husband almost punched her in the face.

Scenario B:
The boys and I are at Costco scouting the books and toys. A lady walks up to us and tells me that Edward is the cutest baby in the world. I thank her for her kind words and she continues by saying that he is just such a precious blessing from God. I say yes yes he his! She dotes on H for a minute too. Then she tells me her daughter, who is now 24, has cerebral palsy and has seizures and stuff. She tells me that doctors told them that she would never walk but that God was soo good. She said that when her daughter was seven years old she gave her life to the Lord and two days later she started walking. Tears are rolling at Costco.

So! Edward had his sleep study early November and I just found out the results. Not terrible news. But he is borderline for his oxygen intake at night and he stops breathing two times every hour. (apnea) Given his anatomy of his neck, nose and chest they will want to take his tonsils out which means another surgery, of course. They will want to put him on oxygen at night, but very little. So we shall see.

Night of sleep study

Oh. my. goodness. Edward is suuuuch a nut! He is talking lots more. Telling me stories that I can't understand! and he has been in timeout multiple times. I love my boys. They are beyond crazy! H has been such a great brother! He will give Edward his milk when he is crying, get me diapers, make him laugh uncontrollably and get really mad when I put Edward in timeout! They love each other sooo much, it melts my heart! But they are also massive butt-heads.

Edward standing at therapy...cutest spongebob butt ever!

   

I want to clear a couple things up. Edward has Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome. What does that mean? Most of the time, I don't know. What will his future look like? I don't know. I would love say that he will be exactly like you and me. Obviously he won't. He is as smart as a tack. Cognitively he is all there and more! He is trapped in his body. Makes me sad. Will he walk? Yes, I do believe he will walk. Every child with FSS is different. There are no two cases the same. What does his life expectancy look like? I don't know. Kinda depends on his spine. I am faithful that the Lord will give him a long and happy life. But what is yours or mines life expectancy? Only the Lord knows. Will Edward talk...normally? Umm...I want to say YES. Is this a muscle or bone thing? All I know is that it is a mutation of the myosin/muscle gene. How big will Edward get? Umm..I am not sure. Maybe 5 feet? These kids are small. Guys...I am living day by day. That is all I can do. Out of all the grandchildren my grandparents have...we are talking 30+...I was blessed with this. I am excited for the day I get to ask Jesus why, what did You see in me, I am nobody but a stubborn loud-mouth!? Jesus has a great and mighty plan. I don't know what it is. Who does? I trust and know that He is good and I am thankful for that. He is always with me and my kids and will never leave me or forsake me. His promises are good. This world is crazy and scary. I am a sinner and fail constantly but I have been redeemed. ONLY by God's grace I am free from this life. So are you and our kids. God loved us enough to send His only son to die for our suckiness. If you have kids that should hit you like a ton of bricks. I couldn't give my kids up to die for anything. All we have to do is believe. Yes. I believe, Lord. I love You with my whole heart and soul. The pain that I feel is only temporary. All my trips to Seattle...the pain and hurt is so deep inside of me. But I choose to take comfort in Your unfailing love because You loved me first. I don't know why but you have knocked on my heart and I am listening, I am yours. "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:1-2 "You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty, I will say of the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust."" Psalm 91:1-2
Let's lay our troubles down. Humble ourselves. Be free from all of this. God loves us.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PN-BMHi5L8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzGAYNKDyIU

Don't waste a second more of this life.
It is not worth it to not believe.

Post Surgery

It has been about three weeks since my baby has his Gtube surgery. That was a TOUGH surgery. They had trouble intibating him...due to his 'difficult' airway. He had massive trouble recovering. Edward spiked a temperature multiple times in recovery and his heart rate rose. They had to do extra tests and we had to stay an extra night. It was beyond stressful. I think I went into this surgery thinking that since we have been through this song and dance SIX times before that it will be just like the others. NOPE. Surgery will only get more difficult as Edward gets older. It is so emotionally exhausting and stressful. But just yesterday we actually started to use his Gtube. It has taken three weeks for him to get comfortable with his hole in his belly. (And me to wrap my brain around the ooze and the leakage from the hole in my babies belly....not an easy concept to be comfortable with.) I mean come on people. There is a hole in my 18 month old's belly. Not. o. k. His stomach was sewn to his already thin/non existent abdominal wall. Bla
Yesterday we had an eye appointment. Transferred care from Spokane to Seattle. Um, yeah, they think Edward won't even have binocular vision. And he needs to wear a patch for hours in the day to make sure his left eye can get back up to par. AND they mentioned that he might have some ear disease due to the way he holds his head and that it has been reported with other babies like Edward. JOY. That is exactly what I wanted to hear. We shall see though.
Next Wednesday Edward and I go to Bellevue to have a sleep study done. We stay over night and he gets hooked up to wires and monitors while he sleeps. Lord willing!, they will tell us that all he needs is  an oxygen mask at night to help him sleep. Lord Willing. After the sleep study we will have yet another round of appointments.

recovery

tired...waiting to see brother from surgery

gtube

hole

edward entertaining himself while waiting for doc at recent appt

my awesome lion

my sweet loves

spongebob boys

Edward will hopefully be getting some specialized equipment to help him sit and walk! I am uber excited for that!

special chair

6th Surgery in 17 months

Ok. So. Edward has his G-tube surgery on Friday. Thursday we have to make a trip up to Seattle for a spine appointment and his endocrine appointment. Last Thursday we had three appointments; pulmonary, upper GI scope, and pre-op. His upper GI seems to be well. Pulmonary/Lungs said that he needs a sleep study ASAP. That is scheduled for Nov. 7. We all don't think he is getting enough oxygen at night. And she recommended we go see an E.N.T for his nasal anatomy. (One side of his airway is pretty closed.)

not the best picture 17 months

BUT here is a video of Edward rolling over. I do love him very much. Even though the weight of the constant problems overwhelm me, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Even though I have to remind myself that, yes! Jesus does love me, I wouldn't trade him for the world. Even though the thought of the pain from the past 22 months (from the moment they told us he had Trisomy 18 and wouldn't make it, to his G-tube surgery) could send me to instant tears, I wouldn't trade him for 1000 "healthy" babies. He is God's LOVE given to me in a not so 'normal' package. I wouldn't trade God's tangible love for anything.

my love                                                                                                                                                                                                        

https://vimeo.com/50644953

Yay! It was my son's birthday! He is three. I can't believe it.

Oh My Gosh. I really want to be Peppy Peggy right now. However, there are so many appointments and new concerns swirling around in my head that I can't think straight. Honestly, these past couple months have been super, super hard.

There has been a lot of changes in my life. A lot of revelations. I don't know how to process everything. I am kinda at a loss of where to go from here, in relation to this blog and in general, i guess. I don't know. I am extremely overwhelmed and that is an understatement.  I am having trouble focusing. I am dealing with a whole new round of Edward issues. The first of them being his attitude towards me. (it is awful) Sickness adds to worry when he is unable to gain weight. He currently last weighed 11.11 pounds. We have therapy three times a week on top of new round of Seattle children's appointments; GI, Nutrition, spine, lungs, upper extremity orthopedics, eyes. I am just tired. I need to get away.

Bare with me, I need to just jot down everything involving Edward. So, his last surgery went well...Hernia repair and circumcision. We were in and out within a day so that was wonderful. We have started receiving therapy three times a week. We have a special education teacher come over on Monday's and Edward LOVES her. She is great! They play and sing songs. Edward adores it! On Wednesday, now changed to Tuesday, we have feeding therapy. Edward was lucky, in that we got to be evaluated by the top feeding therapist. She was great. It was her that got the ball rolling on a swallow study. Then Fridays we have pt. So back to feeding, last week we had a swallow study done. It showed that when Edward swallows his food he holds it in the bottom of his throat, right where his airway is. It takes him on average 3-5 swallows to clear the food but doesn't actually clear it all the way. There is residue he leaves because he fatigues from all the swallowing. So, those are two major risk factors for aspiration. End of story, G-tube will be put in within the next couple weeks. (he most likely has aspirated which would explain some respiratory issues) That leads to our recent gastroenterology appointment. E has been throwing up a lot lately and not pooping as well as he should. He is on miralax which seems to be helping. He probably has reflux which should be figured out with the upper gI ultrasound next week. The GI nurse practitioner gave us another laxative which we will not be using because it is habit forming, I need to do more research on that. She also ordered us a upper GI ultrasound to make sure his anatomy is right before surgery of his Gtube. He had his blood drawn to check for thyroid issues and any gluten allergies (to cover our bases.) She called yesterday and said he has elevated thyroid hormones. Will be scheduling an endocrine appointment shortly. Next week is insanely crazy. We have a pulmonary appointment to figure out his lungs. Hopefully schedule a sleep study and more tests. At our last regular doc appt, his oxygen was a little low. Nutrition will be involved here shortly with the coming gtube. Can't think past all of this.

loving the sun

remember last years pic?

has actual pants on!

my boys acting crazy!

pretty appropriate

Stupid

I am not even kidding, at my house, when it rains it pours stupidness. First off, I had to go to the doctor, uninsursured, the other night because my ear was hurting pretty bad. Both my husband and I thought it was an ear infection. Turns out I have a swollen jaw joint. (TMD) I bite my nails allllll the time and 90% of the time unconsciously clench my jaw all day and night. So the stress of my life has finally caught up with me. I realized two things about that trip to the doc. First, I have even more compassion for my sweet baby boy. You do feel really vulnerable sitting up on that bed. Second, I am not handling my life as well as I thought I was. Then our Mac hard drive sucked it up. Of course we didn't have it backed up. Pray I can recover our pictures from it. Tomorrow is/was surgery for Edward. Middle of the fricking summer and he is SICK. Are you kidding me? Nope. I DON'T want to reschedule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am soo annoyed. Everyone in my house is sick. Not a terrible sick just an annoying sick, you know? Can't decide if I should cancel. Pray, anyways, that surgery goes well. In ten minutes we have a lady coming to do an evaluation on Edge. We have to go through bologna again to get good pt/ot/speech therapies for him. Don't get me started on this. Stupid moving. Can't post a pic.

changes

It has been ages since I last blogged!
Well, in fourteen months we have moved twice and been through four (coming up on five) surgeries, and countless trips back and forth to Seattle along with countless casting. That is crazy/tiring to even think about!
We moved. It was definitely an adventure. We were sad to leave but excited to start a real job. After seven hours in the car and a flat tire, we finally made it to our house and did a walk-thru. My pants were soaking wet and the house was filthy dirty. We were sooo upset! I guess the carpets had JUST been cleaned minutes before we pulled up. So we stayed at a hotel that night. After some text messages to the leasing agent, we decided to pull up our sleeves and do some hard labor ourselves. Ugh. It was soo freaking nasty. The leasing agency has been a nightmare. BUT, we love the house.
The Fourth of July was nice. After an ER visit with Edward, he had bloody vomit, I got back home to have fireworks literally in our front yard. I have never been in a city where fireworks are legal.
I feel like so much has happened that I can't even remember.
Recently I have been on a freezer meal kick.
Edward has lost weight and weighs in, WITH his AFO's on, at 11.8 lbs.

tiny shoes

loved his sucker

all his casting glory

love love love

hair cut makes him look older

Edwards has had massively hard poops which was the underline cause for the ER trip. The X-ray showed his backup. So he has been on miralax and will most likely be seeing a GI doc in the near future.b
Edward is talking more. Copying more. Has more attitude.
He waves hi.
He seriously thinks he is hilarious.
His spine brace is making weight gain a challenge. That needs to change.

I am busy! My husband got an awesome job on the other side of the state, thank the Lord! So we are moving again! We have yet to find a house and I am a little stressed about that. We move in two weeks. Monday we fly in to look and find a place and then Edward has a series of appointments at Children's. Edward was cast for his spine on Tuesday. His last X-ray showed that his spine hadn't gotten much worse! Praise the Lord! So we decided that a brace would be the best option to hold his spine from getting worse. We will get his brace this Wednesday.
So, I just listened to an amazing sermon! "Joy in suffering"
http://marshill.com/media/rebels-guide-to-joy/the-rebels-guide-to-joy-in-suffering
Everybody suffers. In some way shape or form and I want to suffer well. You know, sometimes I like to play the victim. Sometimes I like people to feel sorry for me and what I have been through. I think, "don't people understand what I have been through? If they knew they would be nicer to me." That sucks to admit, but it is true. That is not suffering well. I don't want to use my hurt as a crutch to gain attention or even praise for my own ego. I don't want Edward to be in vain. He is so precious and God's true work in form that I want his story/life to be for God's glory. I know it will be. I want to be humble enough so God can use me, too. I want my 'suffering' to be purposeful not purposeless! I believe that joy is a choice. I can decide to be happy in all circumstances. 2 Corinthians 12:10 "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulites. For when I am weak, then I am strong." James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.." Romans 5:3 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance.." I loved this quote by a Romanian pastor who suffered under Communist rule, "Christians are like nails, the harder you hit them, the deeper they go." I want to know God better through my trials. That is why I want to suffer well.
My boys be crazy. Seriously! Harvey likes to annoy Edward. Edward, in turn, likes to make awful sounds when he is annoyed! Most the time, Edward adores Harv. Harvey will jump or sing or do whatever to make him laugh or smile. Every morning when he wakes up, he tells me to go get Edward. I love seeing their relationship get stronger! Harv is very protective of his baby brother!
At Edward's last cast appointment he weighed 11.9 lbs! That is pretty good...I would like to see 13, but I will take it! He gets his AFO's on Monday! Yay! I will post more pictures when he gets his brace and afo's!

awesome

"I was born awesome"

Hi everybody! So Edward is ONE! Can't hardly believe it. He is such an awesome kid! He is a good natured boy and definetly lets me know when he wants/needs something. He loves attention, the mornings, and his brother. I could go on and on.
His feet look pretty good! I can't wait for him to be in his AFO's so we can work on walking!
There is a lot change that is about to happen in our lives. We might be moving again. (Exhausting to even think about.) Lame, but we are excited to see what the Lord has in store for us!
Last weekend I was able to meet my new niece! My husband's brother and his wife had their fourth child and their first girl! She is such a doll! I fell madly in-love with her! I wasn't expecting it but afterwards I was really emotional. After holding Mikayla and cuddling with her, I realized that that's how I should be holding my baby! I mean I have held other babies since Edward but it was the very first time that I have actually felt 'sorry' for Edward. (I hope he forgives me for this.) It was an awful, awful, awful feeling. I felt sorry for the things he won't be ble to do in life...things he should be able to do. I mean, poor Edward, he gets pity stares alllllllllllll the freaking time! The last thing he needs is for his mom to feel that way. So I got it out of my system and am better now. I realized that I need to treat Edge like I do his brother. He will be able to do anything he puts his mind to. And that's that.
Edward is fricking awesome! So is his brother!
It was also brought to my attention that I need to watch the motives of the people I let hang around my kids. The very thought of people befriending my boys so that their kids can learn 'compassion' makes my blood boil! Makes me SICK just thinking of it! How about YOU teach your kids to be kind NO matter the situation. Oh man...
That's about it!

so so so unhappy

the 90 degree looks odd to me!

pins in bottom of feet