Monday, February 27, 2012


Here is a quick list of the current happenings:
-spine is getting worse by about 7 degrees in past four months
-surgery has been delayed for six weeks due to his RSV and double ear infection he had three weeks ago and another more recent cold on top of it
-Edward had his first tooth that surfaced yesterday
-he is ten months old
-he weighs 9.9lbs
-he cries/whines whenever he sees me so he can get what he wants

Yup. What do you do? I wish his surgery wasn't so far out. I feel like life can begin after this surgery. In my mind (fictional thinking) I feel like Edward will magically become a "normal" ten month old. Not true. It will always be the next surgery, the next brace, the next cast, the next "thing." Such is our wonderfully blessed life.:)
So I have to tell you about my little struggle that I recently went through. A couple weeks ago I went to a moms group at church and the speaker spoke about depression. (haha I just remembered that I had walked into the church that day with TWO different shoes on!!!! I couldn't believe it! That should have been everybodys first clue that something was off! But they just laughed at me.) I had been emotionally struggling for awhile but I held it together while listening to the speaker. The thing that hit me was when she spoke about her pride and thinking she was mentally strong enough to fight the battle herself. Ok. So whatever, I went home and went on with life. The next week, last week, we had to go to Seattle for preop appointments. At the same time my friend was having her baby, and side note, I know about eight or nine friends who are pregnant around me. The day we traveled to Seattle was probably my lowest day. Adam was seriously worried about me. I had gotten myself into such a pity party that I couldn't see the light. I have this problem of comparing my life to others and I couldn't see the blessings in front of me. It just seemed like everybody else was getting their 'fairytale' life. Here I am traveling across state to deal with one of many surgery appointments for my baby boy. What parent wants that? And it could be soo much worse and I know that, but I couldn't accept that, my situation was the worst in the frame of mind I was in. I didn't really talk the whole trip as I was battling in my mind with no avail. Then I remembered that I couldn't get myself out of my mind myself. Words from the depression talk come back to me. I started to pray hard. I realized the devil was attacking me and I asked Jesus to fight the battle for me, I couldn't do it myself. And He did! I kinda snapped out of it. I think as Christians we have to be mindful that the enemy is actively trying to bring us down and that we desperately need the Lord to help us fight the battle. Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing or your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing, and perfect will."
So, I am doing well. I have to do my do diligence and keep my eyes fixed on the important things. Enjoy the present and read my Bible everyday. Edward is God's perfect will and I get to be his mom. I love my life.
funny big brother
he loves his finger! (all my awesome pics are on instagram but can't figure out how to get them on here yet)

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