Friday, October 21, 2011


Well, you will never guess what. Edward has a hairline fracture in his knee. He was super-duper crabby yesterday and whenever I picked him up or moved him, he screamed. When I taped his feet, I knew something was wrong. Then I noticed that he wouldn't move his leg. And...I think I remember what happened...Harvey threw the controllers or a toy, I can't remember which one, and it hit Edward. Unreal. If it's not one thing, it's the other. Dear Lord, help me help Edward.
splint up to his waist for fractured knee
Month one, broken arm. Month six, broken knee. Month ten?...hip and feet surgery. Oh joy. Poor baby. I will remember, "in all things give thanks." The devil will not defeat us and we will count our blessings. No biggie...we got this...what is a fractured knee, anyway!?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I am much better now. Life gets overwhelming, at times, but nothing worth having is easy. Jesus loves me and won't give me more then I can handle. Even though, many times last week I told God enough!
oh boy

sweetest thing

sweet boys
The book I am reading is pretty good. It makes me realize how important prayer is and how it can make a difference. I was going through a stage, weeks back, about not knowing the purpose of prayer. My rationale was, since God is omnipotent then what is the point? My prayers don't matter. For example, I prayed and prayed and prayed when I was pregnant with Edward and God didn't change the outcome. God has His will and knows what is best for us, right? So, no matter how hard I prayed, He still did what He wanted. I don't know. Prayer is confusing. So many pastors tell you how to pray. Is there a specific way to pray that I am not getting? But, also, in the Bible it says that sometimes we don't know how to pray and that the Holy Spirit will intervene for us and ask what we cannot. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." Romans 8:26   This is a verse that helped me when pregnant. This is why I prayed and prayed. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6-7.  Don't get me wrong here. I believe in prayer. It says in the Bible that prayers are powerful and effective and that God hears all prayers. "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it" John 14:13-14. I believe that the words in the Bible are true. I guess my thing was, if God's will be done and He knows what is best for us, then why should I ask for the things that I think I want?

P.s. Happy SIX months to my sweet Edward! (seems like years ago..)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Falling fast

I am the mom I never wanted to be. I have the child I never wanted to have. I just got home from a long morning. It started with an eight a.m. pt appointment for Edward and ended at Barnes and Noble, searching for the Strong Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson. Laugh it up. I just feel like I am losing control of my son/life. He is 25 months and he is in the stage where he likes to run away from me while laughing. He thinks he is soooo freaking funny. I find myself chasing him, half laughing myself, in disbelief/embarrassment that I am chasing my freaking 2 year old. Yuck. Everybody tells me that it is just 'his age.' No it is not. I suck. I need my mom to show me how it is done. Be with us the whole day and tell me what to do and how to do it. I always thought I would be a good mom. Seriously, I need to high-five my mom and my grandma! Harvey is seriously awesome an hour before bed and during his nap-time. It is hard.
We have pt three times this week and next week. I think that the whole Edward situation sits in the back of my mind and weighs me down. Whenever I start to feel sad or feel sorry for myself, I immediately push it away. I mean, Edward is awesome and I am so blessed. But it sucks. It really does. I mean, in the grand scheme of things is really doesn't, but. There is just so much. I now have to tape his feet every day. So instead of him being cast every friday, he is in braces and his little feet don't stay in them very well. I have to tape them so they will stay in a good flexed position. I am pretty much 'casting' him everyday. Bla. Yet one more thing to add. I seriously wish he didn't have scoliosis either. I just feel sooooooooo bad for the little guy. Yeah I secretly love that he is sooo small, selfishly, but I really don't like it. It is not right. He should be crawling and moving and eating like any 6 month old. He should weigh 15 lbs instead of 9.
Am I getting what I deserve? I am at the very end of my rope here. I don't even know how to pray in this situation. "In all things give thanks," "all things work together for good to those who love God," "I can do do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Yes, yes, I know. I know, I know. But what am I missing? I can't even go to church without bawling the second the music starts to play. What does it all mean? hahahaha, I sound ridiculous. Time for me to find my 'happy place.' Off to sew.

Monday, October 10, 2011


Yay for my sweet Edward! He is out of casts for awhile! This morning they put splints on him! Poor guy was soo tired and mad that they were messing with his feet like that. Then he had three shots. Poor baby. I am so excited! I get to put pants on him! I love it! (That was last Friday.) Here is a video of Edward's sweet ability! It is short, sorry.

look at that face

sweet smile, evidence of him eating some food!

drool monster
With the new found freedom from casts, I have decided to move Edward along. Treat him like the soon-to-be six month old he is. So, we have started him on some rice cereal. I have been putting him in his little bouncy chair so he can work on his head control and trunk control. Even though he is still in newborn clothes, which I secretly love, I need to start treating him like a six month old. Freak, I love him. He is just a rock star.

I want to show off my quilt. I just finished it and am sooo happy with it! Well, that's all for now.
Edward's quilt