Friday, April 6, 2012

Subdue the emotion of it all

We had a neurology appointment on Monday to explain Edward's soft spot in his brain. He said it was most likely there since birth and could possibly effect his motor developement in his right side. He said it could have happened during the third trimester from me and my blood. That sucked to hear.
After his appointments I went to some thrift stores and I found the most amazing pair of boots for $1.29!! Yup, it was my lucky day! My size and everything!!! I was on a mad high from that amazing score. Then my brother and his wife threw the BEST surprise birthday party for Edward! It was the sweetest thing in the world! I adored it! Thank you guys!
Monday night was tough because I had to follow Edwards surgery feeding schedule. I was up with him at 1:30 am, 3:30, and 5:30 making sure he was full...then we checked in at 6:15. I was strangely calm the whole day! It was weird. Could have been because I was still so thrilled about my boot find...haha. Edward is such an awesome kid. Surgery was faster then expected. Our doctor is a rock star! I was soooooooo excited to see Edward! Our doc said that he was "├╝ber" pleased with how Edward's feet turned out and said that the talectomy was nessecary. He said that there was no fluid around the joint and that his tendons and ligaments that were stuck to his bone were like glue. (which is why there was no movement...that is just so crazy to me.) The bad news is that his hip joint is pretty much the same. They formed a sudo-like joint up by the top of his pelvis. He said the joint is like cartilage which is why, again, there is hardly any movement. So he doesn't think reducing his hips will be an option. Instead, he thinks it might be best if we break his femur bones and put them into a better position for hygeine reasons. So he would break the bone and put pins in. Suckage!! I just pray he will walk and sit at a 90 degree angle. And we only got like three degrees from clipping his abductor muscles. Boo.
at home sleeping

my amazing $1.29 boots

look at those feet!

having a reaction to some meds

right before he was taken back
I felt super humbled by the support that we got from family and friends. I literally have the best family and friends anyone could ask for! Even acquaintances texted me with prayers and support. And the prayers that I am not aware of, thank you! I know that through all the prayers I was able to handle everything and that Edward was in the Lord's hands. This is the thing, I don't want to think about it all. I don't want to get emotional. I know that if I let myself go and really feel everything, I would loose it. I have experienced that once before (a year ago) and don't ever want to experience it again. I have to keep everything at bay. Edward's birthday is coming and I don't want to be emotional. I just want to be in the now and not look back at what happened a year ago. I am beyond thankful for my life and my boys and I want to focus on that. Dwelling one the past is not healthy, right? Pictures are bad. This year has been one heck of a freaking year but we made it and we are all better for it! Edward is God's gift to me and my family, for His glory, and I would do it alllll over in a heartbeat! And I would take 10 more FSS babies. I need to focus on the now and Edward's spine and the many more surgeries that are coming in the very near future.
So, with that said, all your prayers and concern for Edward have meant the world to me! God's love is good! Psalm 30:12 "To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee forever." What an awesome verse of joy, gratitude, and thankfulness. I love it.

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