One year ago tomorrow was when I found out about Edward. It has been one frickin hard year. I will never forget how oblivious I was to the ultrasound tech coming back and forth needing more pictures. I just thought she was doing it for me so I could know the sex. Finally, she had said, "you probably know by now that something is not right." Lol....NOPE! I instantly burst into tears. I tried to gather my emotions so I could make it to the elevator and Adam. Went home, cried. Came back for the meeting with my OB. Cried some more. My OB told me that she believed it was Trisomy 18. I didn't know what that was. Adam's reaction to that was so profound that I instantly lost it. The rest was a blur. The next day, Harv and I went shopping and I remember just walking around wondering if people knew that I was carrying a 'sick' baby. I also remember driving and coming to a conclusion with the Lord that I could handle this...I got this I told Him. I told Him that no matter what happens with my baby that I would always love Him and that He has me. The next day we met with our geneticist and made the tough decision to have an amnio. When we sat down with our geneticist the first thing I told her was, "do not even mention abortion." But, stupidly, I asked her if it were her, what would she do. She said terminate. This was a Thursday. Friday, the results came back and they couldn't find anything! No Trisomy 18, aka Edward's syndrome! Then the next Monday, I got some sorta food poisoning and spent the night in the ER. I never vomited so hard in my life. I can't believe that that was only one year ago. Such is life.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I just want to say that I am so thankful for God's grace. I know that it is grace and grace alone that I am saved. There is NOTHING I can do, no amount of niceness that I can exude that will get me to heaven. If I thought that being 'nice' would get me to heaven, then Lord have mercy. It is God's gift through faith so that I can't take credit. It is so simple. I don't understand why people have to muddy it up.